Social Story for Not Hitting: The Full 'I Have Safe Hands' Story and How to Use It

Dr. Andrea Burgio-Murphy, Ph.D.Licensed clinical psychologist & autism specialist October 21, 2026

A social story for not hitting is a short, first-person story that describes when hitting tends to happen, how it affects other people, and what the child can do with his hands instead, written in calm, literal language and read when the child is calm rather than after an incident. The complete "I Have Safe Hands" story is below, along with why young autistic children hit, how to read the story so it does its job, and what to pair it with, because a story on its own rarely changes hitting that has a sensory or communication cause underneath it.

Why young autistic children hit

When I sit down with parents of a two- or three-year-old who hits, the first thing I want to know is what happened right before. In the book I describe this as ABC tracking: the antecedent (what came before), the behavior, and the consequence (what came after). After a few days of notes, a pattern almost always appears, and it usually points to one of four functions.

The most common is a communication breakdown. A child who can't say "I don't want that," "help me," or "stop" will often use his hands to say it, because hitting works: the thing stops, or the person moves away. The second is sensory overload. A child whose nervous system is already full, from noise or a crowded room or a scratchy shirt, may hit when one more input lands, and that hitting looks sudden and out of proportion because it's a release rather than a message. The third is protest, often around a transition or a denied request. The fourth is seeking: some children hit because the impact and the big reaction it produces are interesting.

A social story helps with communication and protest hitting and does less for sensory hitting, which is why I recommend a week of ABC notes before deciding how much weight to put on the story.

What a social story does (and doesn't)

Carol Gray developed Social Stories in the early 1990s as a way to give autistic children accurate, reassuring information about a situation, from the child's point of view, in a form they can take in when calm. Her criteria are specific: the story describes far more than it directs, it uses positive and literal language, it stays on one topic, and it's read as information and practice rather than as a consequence.

For hitting, a well-written story previews the expectation ("my hands can stay safe") in a moment when the child's brain is available to learn it, and it names a replacement behavior the child can actually do, such as saying "help" or squeezing his own hands. The book makes the same point about calm-moment teaching: tools like social stories need to be practiced during calm times so they're accessible during hard ones. What the story can't do is remove the trigger or supply the missing communication skill by itself; someone still has to teach the word or sign for "stop" and respond to it reliably when the child uses it.

Sample social story: "I Have Safe Hands" (full text)

Each line gets a photo or simple drawing in the printable. Replace the blank with your child's name.

I Have Safe Hands

My name is ______ and I have two hands.

My hands can do many things. They can build with blocks, hold my cup, and give high fives.

Sometimes I feel mad, or my body feels too full.

When I feel that way, my hands might want to hit.

Hitting hurts people. When someone gets hit, they feel sad or scared.

I can try to keep my hands safe.

I can say "help" or "stop." I can show my "stop" card.

I can squeeze my hands together, or push hard on the wall.

My grown-ups will help me when I show them I need help.

Safe hands keep my friends and my family safe.

My grown-ups feel happy when I use my safe hands.

I am learning to have safe hands.

That's twelve lines (the printable puts each on its own illustrated panel; the kit's template format is one picture and one line of text per page, so bind two or three panels to a page if you make it a booklet), nine of which describe or give perspective and three of which gently direct ("I can try," "I can say," "I can squeeze"), which follows Gray's guidance that describing sentences outnumber directing ones by a wide margin. The replacement behaviors are concrete and physical, because "use your words" means little to a child with few words, while "squeeze your hands" is something he can do with his body right now. If your child uses a sign, a picture card, or a device to communicate, swap "say" for what he actually does, and if his hitting is clearly sensory, make the alternative match ("I can squeeze my ball").

How to read it so it works

Read it when your child is calm and content, ideally at the same time each day, such as after breakfast or before the bedtime book. Many families read it once a day for two or three weeks and then taper to a few times a week. Use a warm, matter-of-fact voice, point to the pictures, and pause on the replacement behaviors to practice them together: say "help" out loud, squeeze your hands, push on the wall. A little playfulness helps the actions become familiar before they're needed.

Don't read it right after he hits. A story pulled out as a response to hitting becomes a lecture with pictures, and the child learns to dread it. If you want to reference it after an incident, wait until he's fully calm and say something short like "Your body got too full. Next time you can squeeze your hands," which echoes the story without turning it into a punishment.

In the moment of a hit, keep your response brief and consistent: block or move away calmly, say "stop" or "safe hands" once in a neutral tone, and help him do the replacement if he can. Big reactions tend to make hitting more interesting, so the less drama around it, the better.

The full "I Have Safe Hands" story in an illustrated 12-panel layout, plus a blank template for writing your own.

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What to pair it with

The story is one layer. These are the others that, in my experience, do most of the work.

ABC tracking for a week. A simple chart: date and time, antecedent (what happened before), behavior (what your child did), consequence (what happened after). The Resource Kit's ABC tracking form adds two more columns, the possible function of the behavior and whether the episode was a tantrum or a meltdown. Keep the notes descriptive ("tablet turned off without warning; hit my arm; got tablet back after calming") rather than interpretive ("got mad"). The pattern you find will tell you which trigger to work on first.

A replacement behavior you teach and honor. If the hitting says "stop," teach "stop" as a word, a sign, or a card, and then respond to it every time, including when it's inconvenient. A child will only trade hitting for "stop" if "stop" works at least as well.

Fewer triggers. If the pattern shows hitting at transitions, add a five-minute warning and a first then board. If it shows hitting when the room is loud, reduce the noise or offer headphones before the loud part. Changing the antecedent is often the highest-leverage move.

A meltdown check. Hitting that happens during a full-body overload, with no clear goal and no response to anything you offer, is part of a meltdown rather than a behavior to redirect. The meltdown vs tantrum guide lays out the differences, and what to do during an autistic meltdown covers the response.

When to get more help

If hitting is happening many times a day, if it's causing injury (bruises, bites that break skin, a sibling who's afraid), or if it hasn't shifted after several weeks of story-reading, ABC tracking, and a taught replacement, ask for a functional behavior assessment from a board-certified behavior analyst. An FBA is a structured version of the ABC work you've been doing, leading to a plan built around your child's specific triggers. Your pediatrician or Early Intervention coordinator can make the referral, and under age three, Early Intervention can usually provide this without a diagnosis.

Frequently asked questions

Is "hands are not for hitting" a good social story?

The phrase is widely used and the picture book by that title is well known, but as a Social Story sentence it leans negative, which Gray's criteria discourage. "Hands are for building, holding, and high fives" or "I can keep my hands safe" describes the same idea in the positive. If your child already knows and likes the phrase, there's no harm in it, as long as most of the story tells him what he can do.

What's the difference between a safe hands and a gentle hands social story?

Mostly wording. "Gentle hands" suits a child who grabs, squeezes, or pats too hard, often out of excitement or sensory seeking, and whose story needs to teach the right amount of pressure. "Safe hands" suits a child who hits to protest or communicate, and whose story needs to offer a replacement for the hit. Pick the phrase that matches the function you found in your ABC notes.

How long before a social story reduces hitting?

Many parents see a shift within two to four weeks of daily reading combined with a taught replacement and some trigger reduction, though this varies a great deal with the child and the cause. If the hitting is sensory, the story may do little until the sensory piece is addressed. No change after about a month of consistent use is a signal to involve a behavior analyst.

Can I use a social story for hitting with a child who isn't talking yet?

Yes. Keep the sentences shorter, lean on photos of your actual child doing the safe-hands actions, and replace "say" with whatever your child uses, such as a sign, a picture card, or a button. For a preverbal child the practice matters more than the words; squeezing hands together and pushing on the wall are things he can learn by doing.

The ABC chart, the Meltdown vs. Tantrum assessment tool, and the co-regulation scripts that go alongside this story are part of the Resource Kit in the book and kit bundle. For the other behavior stories in this series, including accepting no, see the free autism social story printables hub, and for which tools to reach for first, the hard moments page.