Elopement Social Story: 'I Stay With My Grown-Up' Plus the Safety Plan That Has to Come First

Dr. Andrea Burgio-Murphy, Ph.D.Licensed clinical psychologist & autism specialist October 21, 2026

An elopement social story teaches a young autistic child, in calm first-person language, why staying close to a grown-up matters and what to do when he wants to go see something. The full "I Stay With My Grown-Up" story is below. Read the safety section first, though, because a social story is a teaching tool for a child who is already physically safe, and it should never be the thing standing between your child and a road or a pond. Elopement (wandering or bolting away from supervision) is among the most dangerous things that happen in young autistic children, and the plan starts with locks, alarms, and water.

First: elopement is a safety issue before it's a behavior to teach around

In a large survey of families published in Pediatrics, Anderson and colleagues (2012) found that about half of children with autism spectrum disorder had attempted to elope at least once after age four, and that of those, roughly half had gone missing long enough to cause real concern. Among the children who went missing, families reported close calls with traffic for about two-thirds and close calls with drowning for about a quarter.

The drowning risk deserves its own sentence. Guan and Li (2017), analyzing US death records in the American Journal of Public Health, found that drowning, suffocation, and asphyxiation together accounted for roughly 80 percent of injury deaths among children with autism, and described the drowning risk as exceptionally heightened. Many autistic children are drawn to water, and many have not yet learned to swim or to recognize depth as dangerous.

I lead with this because parents often search for a social story hoping it will solve the running, and the story sits last in the order of operations, after physical barriers, identification, and swimming.

Why autistic children run

Elopement in young children usually has one of a few drivers, and knowing which one applies to your child shapes both the safety plan and the story.

Some children run toward something: water, a road with interesting cars, a playground across the street, a dog. This is goal-directed, often fast, and often repeated toward the same target. Some children run away from something, typically sensory overload in a loud, bright, or crowded place, where bolting is an escape from input the child can't tolerate. A smaller group runs because running itself feels good. And some children, especially toddlers, simply don't yet understand that leaving a grown-up's side is different from walking across the living room.

A week of ABC notes on near-elopements, as the book describes for other behaviors (what happened before, what the child did, what happened after), tends to reveal the driver quickly.

The safety stack (before the story)

None of these replace supervision. Together they buy you the seconds that supervision sometimes misses.

Doors and windows. Add a second lock high on every exterior door, above your child's reach, such as a flip lock or hook-and-eye at the top of the frame. Install inexpensive door and window alarms or chimes that sound when a door opens; the battery-operated magnetic kind costs a few dollars each. Check window locks and screens, especially upstairs. Secure any gate in a fence, and if your yard isn't fenced, treat the yard as outside.

Identification. Your child should carry his name and your phone number on his body in a form he can't easily remove: a medical-ID bracelet or shoe tag, a temporary tattoo for outings, or a label sewn into clothing. If your child is nonspeaking or won't answer a stranger, the ID should say so. Keep a current photo on your phone that you could hand to a police officer in thirty seconds.

Water. Enroll your child in swim lessons as early as a program will take him, and ask about survival swim programs for toddlers if those exist near you. Know where every body of water within walking distance of your home is, including neighbors' pools, retention ponds, and creeks, because when a child goes missing, water is the first place to search.

Your neighbors and local police. Tell the neighbors on either side and across the street that your child may wander, show them a photo, and ask them to call you (and then 911) if they see him alone. Call the non-emergency line of your local police department and ask whether they keep a record for children with special needs; many do, and it changes how quickly a search starts. Some areas have GPS-tracking programs for children who wander, which your police department or local autism organization can point you to.

A written plan. One page on the fridge: your child's name, age, photo, what he's drawn to, the places to check first, and the numbers to call. Everyone who watches your child should know where it is.

Sample social story: "I Stay With My Grown-Up" (full text)

Replace the blank with your child's name and adjust the places and the thing he's drawn to so they match his life. Each line gets a photo in the printable, ideally of your actual child holding your actual hand.

I Stay With My Grown-Up

My name is ______. I like to go places with my family.

We go to the store, the park, and Grandma's house.

Sometimes I see something I want to look at, like water or a dog, and my feet want to run to it.

Outside, cars drive fast, and water can be deep. Grown-ups know how to keep me safe near cars and water.

When we are outside, I can stay close to my grown-up.

Staying close means I can hold my grown-up's hand, the stroller, or the cart.

If I want to see something, I can point to it or say "look."

My grown-up will take me to see it when it is safe.

When my grown-up says "stop," I can try to stop my feet and wait.

My grown-up feels calm when I stay close.

Staying close keeps me safe, and then we can have fun together.

I am learning to stay with my grown-up.

That's twelve lines. Nine describe the situation or someone's perspective, and three gently direct ("I can stay close," "I can point," "I can try to stop"), following Carol Gray's criteria for literal, positive language and directives phrased as things the child can try. The line about pointing or saying "look" matters most, because it gives a child who runs toward things a way to get there with you instead of without you.

Teaching the "stop" and "wait" routine

The story introduces "stop" and "wait." Daily practice is what makes those words usable when your child is already three steps ahead of you.

Teach "stop" as a game first, at home, where nothing is at stake. Walk together across a room, say "stop" in a clear, calm voice while holding up a flat hand, and stop your own feet dramatically. When he stops too, even for a second, celebrate it like a goal. Repeat for a few minutes several times a day, and the word starts to carry an automatic body response.

Then add "wait." At a doorway, say "wait," hold up the hand, count aloud to three, and then say "okay, go." Stretch the count slowly over days, so "wait" comes to mean a short, predictable pause with a clear end.

Pair both with a "stay close" routine for outings. Before leaving the car, say the same phrase every time ("Hand or cart") and offer the choice: hold your hand, hold the cart, or hold the stroller. A structured choice inside a non-negotiable rule, which the book recommends for transitions generally, gives the child some control while the rule stays firm. A first then board can help here too: "First hold hand, then playground."

Practicing in low-stakes places

Once "stop" works reliably at home, practice in a fenced yard, then a quiet park with no water, then a near-empty parking lot with you between your child and the cars, then a store at an off-peak hour. At each step, use the same words, the same hand signal, and the same praise, and read the story the morning of each outing. A two- or three-year-old who stops on command most of the time at home may still bolt in a stimulating place, which is why the locks, the ID, and your hand on his are still the plan for a long while. Teaching reduces the number of attempts, and the barriers are there for the attempts that still happen.

The "I Stay With My Grown-Up" story in an illustrated layout, plus a one-page home safety checklist to post on the fridge.

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Frequently asked questions

Is wandering normal in autistic toddlers?

It's common. Anderson et al. (2012) found that about half of children with autism had attempted to elope after age four, and many families notice it earlier. Common doesn't mean safe, and it doesn't mean your child will outgrow it on a predictable timeline, so treat a first episode as a reason to build the full safety stack now.

What should a social story about running away include?

A description of the situations where the child runs, a sentence or two about why staying close matters (cars, water), one or two concrete things the child can do instead (point, say "look," hold a hand), what the grown-up will do in return, and how the grown-up feels when the child stays close. Keep it positive and literal, with far more describing than directing.

Should I use a harness or a GPS tracker for an autistic child who runs?

Many families do, and neither is a failure of parenting. A child-safety harness or wrist link gives you a physical connection in crowded places while you're teaching "stop," and a GPS wearable shortens a search dramatically if your child does get away. Your local police department or an autism organization near you may know of programs that provide trackers at low or no cost.

My child runs during meltdowns. Does the story help with that?

Less than it does for goal-directed running. A child bolting in sensory overload isn't processing language, so the work there is prevention (reducing the overload before it peaks) and physical safety (keeping yourself between the child and the exit). The what to do during an autistic meltdown guide covers the response, and the social story for transitions helps with the switches that often set off the overload.

The ABC tracking chart, the transition tools, and the co-regulation scripts that support this plan are part of the Resource Kit in the book and kit bundle. Other stories in this series are collected on the free autism social story printables hub, and the hard moments page covers which tools to reach for first.